Toileting in Afghanistan (not for the squeamish)

What do you mean that sounds gross? I had intentions of posting a blog about the unfairness of life, as it related to not being from the US, but decided that could wait, so I could talk about poo.

At KAF (Kandahar Air Field), we had both porta-potties and comfort trailers. Comfort trailers are basically shipping containers with toilets or shower in them. Usually about 5-6 toilets or showers per box. They are all separate stalls, so nothing really weird about it. At KAF, the comfort trailers were in the living areas, and the porta-potties were everywhere else. You usually didn't have to go very far to find a porta-potty. It was actually kind of nice. They almost always had toilet paper and they had hand sanitzer attached to the outsides of them, so you could "wash" your hands.

When we got to Howz-e Madad, they were working on installing the comfort trailers, so it was all porta-potty, all the time. More will be discussed about how other people use toilets later, but suffice to say, they weren't as nice as the ones at KAF, because they didn't always have toilet paper and many times I had to wipe someone else's poo off the seat before I could sit down. I am not a squatter. Squatting or hovering is unhealthy. It doesn't allow your bladder muscles to fully relax and allow all of your urine to leave your body. Hovering causes bladder infections. You shouldn't do it. This is why I requested baby wipes in my care packages. They are great for toilet situations of all sorts.

So they finally got the showers and one toilet unit opened about a week or so ago. I was told, by those in power, that girls were not yet allowed to use the toilets, because it would violate the company "boy and girls aren't supposed to be on the same planet together" rule.

Upon gathering more information, apparently (a) I was either the only girl that was told that, or (b) the other girls don't follow instructions well, because the other night, we got a call over the radio that there was a waterfall coming from underneath the comfort trailers. The exact words of someone who checked out the situation early on, over the radio, were "Holy Shit". Seriously, he said that over the radio. Many people have never heard of radio etiquette around here. But that's a whole other story.

Wait a minute, you say? What does that have to do with being a girl? Ah yes. Turns out there was a clog in the drain pipe. Don't get me wrong, the design of the trailers actually encourages clogs, but that doesn't matter. The culprit causing this clog: yup, a tampon. Know how I know it wasn't mine? BECAUSE I WAS TOLD I WASN'T ALLOWED TO USE THE DAMN TOILETS!

Also found were these thick bath wipe sheets they give us, for when we can't take a shower. They are very often used liked baby wipes and dropped in the porta-potty, or flushed down the toilet (like the label says they absolutely should NOT be). Couple problems there ... (1) not everyone here can read English) and (2) there is no other option for disposing of them discretely. There is a big trashcan in each unit, but, no smaller ones for the stalls. Apparently girls should remove their tampons, place it somewhere until they have wiped appropriately and inserted a new one, and then take it out of the stall and place it in the big trashcan. Really??? Excuse my language, but that's fucking disgusting. I'm a girl and I use tampons and *I* don't want to see that shit.

So my solution? Put little trashcans, or the boxes our bottled water comes in, with trashbags, and you'll eliminate most of your problems.

Here's the funny thing: when the toilet trailer is open, the porta-potties are much nicer. Less poo on the seats, you're more like to find toilet paper in them, and there is less pee on the floor (boys can't aim). So since the clog a couple of nights ago, the porta-potties have become less nice again. It's a never ending battle.

I will be using the toilet trailer when it opens again though. And I'm still not hovering. And I won't flush anything I'm not allowed to. So if you're sending care packages, the septic tank friendly butt wipes that magically dissolve in water would be great! My butt, and the poo system, thank you.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled, poo-free day.